Breaking NEWS: Major Player Swap for OCSC

"I'm disgusted with his antics," an angry Luis Enrique said late Friday, discussing the four-match suspension for his superstar player, Lionel Messi. "This is the last straw--he's out!"

Then the Barcelona FC manager announced that the club had agreed to a rights swap with MLS side Orlando City SC, effective immediately. The swap would see the Argentine superstar go to Orlando for up-and-coming striker Cyle Larin. According to rumors, each player will assume the other's contract, salary, endorsements, and kit number.

MLS Commissioner Don Garber was found at his favorite deli with a late night coffee-and-donut snack. When asked about the trade, Garber said, "Well, you know--it's just one of those things that happens in football. It's pretty rare for a mega-star to be swapped for a potential mega-star, but I think there's usually about one day every year that you can expect to hear news like that, right around the start of April when the European clubs are getting desperate for the final push to the end of their season."

Orlando City majority owner Flavio Augusto da Silva was seen at a private party toasting everyone and laughing uncontrollably, clearly giddy at the news.

Officials at FIFA and La Liga could not be reached for comment on this story.